you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
