Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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