i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
