All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
