I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
