I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
