I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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