I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
