man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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