yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
