Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
