Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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