ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
