fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
