I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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