I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
being pregnant is like rehab
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
