it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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