I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
