The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
