I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
