I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
