Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
