My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
