successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
