It's Friday. Sex?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
