You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
