We should be called the Road Head Warriors
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
