u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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