I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
