How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
