i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
