Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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