grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Soap is not a condiment
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
