i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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