When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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