Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
