ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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