I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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