Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
