she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Who died my cat blue again?
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