You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
