if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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