I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
