she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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