Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
