After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
