This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
