a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
