You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
