did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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