I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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