I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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