theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
