But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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