I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you still have your period?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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