This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
