The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
