he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
