the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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