Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
