Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
