I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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