mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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