i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
