I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
