Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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