i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
