just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
