Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
