Where did you get a picture of my penis
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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