2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
