Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How naked do you want me to be?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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