Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
