can u get pink eye on your cock?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All the doctor said was why
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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